My First Real Car
The last red ford mustang rolled off the production line on may the 9th 1979,
the day I was born, I tracked that car for 10 years,
I went all the way to Alaska, there she was covered in rust and moose crap,
the owner didn’t know how special she was,
I bought her for 300 bucks
I once met a person who claimed to be from the stars,
I said “ok buddy let’s hit the bars”.
We drank and we drank,
then we drank ’til midday then,
he said, “I must go away”.
I asked him his name but he couldn’t remember,
it was Xmas eve so I called him December,
I told him about earth and I told him about hell,
he doubled over in agony I don’t think he was well.
I brought him to hospital,
but they couldn’t help,
he needed real medicine but it was made from kelp.
I searched all the health stores,
I searched on the beaches,
but when I got back he was the color of peaches.
“I’m sorry” I told him,
“they were all outta kelp” and he opened his mouth and gave a big yelp.
He screached and he screamed,
then he went red poor,
poor December finally went dead.
I buried him in my back yard next to my pet tyrannosaurus rex,
Elvis my pet t-rex died while swallowing my ex.
Remember December the guy from the stars,
well he came back from the dead covered in scars.
He was dug from his grave by a doctor named Frank,
I was glad to see him but his mind was a blank.
I told him all about the world and his wife,
but poor, poor December craved a life.
I got him a job and a bunch of books,
but December was worried about his surgical looks.
So I phoned up my friend Tara coz she was a wiz with make up and fashion,
but when December saw her he developed a passion.
So the sparks flew and they married a week later,
but there was a slight problem Tara had a pet gator.
Duncan was her baby and he was ever so zealous,
he could never share his momma coz he was ever so jealous.
December and Duncan would wrestle every day,
so I had an idea one that would actually pay.
I became their manager and made them very famous,
oh by the way my name is Henry Seamus.
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