Tomb Rats and Uncharitable
The Tomb Rats Reignite by Alan Maguire
I can’t fucking believe the news, the rats are making a come back. New album, a documentary and a world tour. Thirty years is more than enough time to heal old wounds, at least the lads had a good run with their solo careers, even though it wasn’t all sunshine and roses. Elbert probably had the worst luck, financially speaking anyway. It ain’t his fault that his acting career sucked, poor Elbert was almost bankrupt due to that stinking pile of rhino crap called a movie. It cost him millions to produce, he really believed in that movie.
At least Dexter finally realized Mindy was no good for him, hopefully she made it to that planet with her whacko cultist friends, crazy bitch. His career was good he had a couple of hits but at the end, his heart just wasn’t in it.
Poor Billy managed to survive cancer, but Billy was always the toughest rat. Billy didn’t do much really he produced a few albums at least. The lads have a new manager this time, Elbert’s niece, she’s much better and nicer than that bollocks Derek Witthingham. Witthingham was mostly to blame for their break up, he’s the one who introduced Dexter and Mindy, he won’t be missed anyway.
So next year me and me first son Edwin will be off to Australia for the start of the rats world tour. I answered a question recently on a radio station, the question was easy. They asked me where did the rats get their name from, only true fans would know this. The lads got their name from a sixteenth century French poem about a knights tomb, here’s the line that mentions the tomb rat. No woodlouse, mouse, nor tomb rat shall creep or crawl upon my final resting place. Obviously the poems been translated but you get the gist anyhow. I have to go now.
Uncharitable by Alan Maguire
I can’t fucking believe the news, the rats are making a come back. New album, a documentary and a world tour. Thirty years is more than enough time to heal old wounds, at least the lads had a good run with their solo careers, even though it wasn’t all sunshine and roses. Elbert probably had the worst luck, financially speaking anyway. It ain’t his fault that his acting career sucked, poor Elbert was almost bankrupt due to that stinking pile of rhino crap called a movie. It cost him millions to produce, he really believed in that movie.
At least Dexter finally realized Mindy was no good for him, hopefully she made it to that planet with her whacko cultist friends, crazy bitch. His career was good he had a couple of hits but at the end, his heart just wasn’t in it.
Poor Billy managed to survive cancer, but Billy was always the toughest rat. Billy didn’t do much really he produced a few albums at least. The lads have a new manager this time, Elbert’s niece, she’s much better and nicer than that bollocks Derek Witthingham. Witthingham was mostly to blame for their break up, he’s the one who introduced Dexter and Mindy, he won’t be missed anyway.
So next year me and me first son Edwin will be off to Australia for the start of the rats world tour. I answered a question recently on a radio station, the question was easy. They asked me where did the rats get their name from, only true fans would know this. The lads got their name from a sixteenth century French poem about a knights tomb, here’s the line that mentions the tomb rat. No woodlouse, mouse, nor tomb rat shall creep or crawl upon my final resting place. Obviously the poems been translated but you get the gist anyhow. I have to go now.
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