Things I dislike
1. Finding a hardened dry snot in a library book.
2. A loud booming Australian accent.
3. Earl Grey tea.
4. Having to tell my house-mate the rent will be late.
5. People who get drunk in front of their kids.
6. Dreaming about having sex with someone I have to face later that day, when I have absolutely no sexual interest in that person, but can’t help but blush all the same.
7. Tabloid newspapers.
8. Britney haters.
9. The word ‘revert’.
10. Editors who make changes to articles I submit, to the point that false quotes are added, and words are misspelt…and it’s all under my name…BASTARDS!
11. Tall men who think they know everything.
12. Film critics who piss on everything except The Godfather.
13. Des Bishop.
14. Tuna and sweet-corn.
15. Flat-mates who put up the biggest Christmas tree in the world in the living room, blocking the fire-place and TV, without asking if I’d like to take part in this seasonal event.
16. Sitting on the bus next to some-one who peed themselves weeks ago.
17. Being told by a friend that every conversation has begun to turn into ‘a therapy session’.
18. Sitting down happily with a bowl of Coco Pops only to find on my first spoonful that the milk is sour.
19. People who read more than me.
20. Receiving ‘this is funny – please forward’ emails.
21. Restless leg syndrome.
22. The frightful emergence of chin hair.
23. Hollyoaks.
24. Bad customer service.
25. Lowest common denominator comedy.
26. Keira Knightley haters.
27. People who grimace when I admit I like ‘The Secret’.
28. Footballer’s wages.
29. The completely blown out of proportion attack on Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand, expertly master-minded by PR guru Max Clifford and that Satanic Slut girl.
30. Thrush.
31. Retaining frightful memories of misadventures in my youth.
32. Nightclubs.
33. Drunk people talking to me when I’m sober.
34. Having to bring my laptop to get fixed, terrified that the one pornographic image I’ve ever looked at on the web (no, really) is still lodged on my computer’s hard drive.
35. The fact that the 80’s are over.
36. The treatment of the gay community by gay bars and nightclubs….just because you have a monopoly doesn’t mean you shouldn’t make an effort.
37. People who unnecessarily drive too fast.
38. Being accosted on the street by those creepy happy people who try desperately to obtain my bank details.
39. Facebook.
40. People who answer their mobile phones in the cinema.
41. Pirate DVD’s….and not ones with ‘shiver me timbers’ pirates in them….no, no, I love them.
42. The end of the ‘sale of work’ era.
43. Smudging the writing on a fancy xmas card because I’m a leftie.
44. Being asked what I do for a living.
45. Small-talk.
46. Chinese Food.
47. Period cramps so bad that they make me feel like my ovaries are coming out and they’re taking my bowels with them.
48. Falseness.
49. Earwigs.
50. Door slammers.
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